Wish you all are here with me...
Joyce… Remember you told me that his gao bai is as romantic as a Korean drama? Well, I think my relationship is more tragic like Korean drama. Whirlwind courtship, he swept me off my feet. I told you all I immediately accepted him because I was attracted to him as well a long time ago.Wan.. Remember I told you I think that he has a gf waiting for him in China n you suggested that I clarify with him? Stupid of me not to do so. I’ve known him for 2 years +. I truly believe that he is not the “1 leg step 2 boats” guy. So I believed that he has broken up with his gf before he gao bai to me.
Well.. I was wrong….
Stupid of me. Now I really feel like a fool. Do you know why I keep on thinking he has a gf waiting for him in China? My thoughts are all jumbled up right now… Lets start at the beginning. I was attracted to him a long time ago. Flirted with him a little but I immediately backed away when I saw that there is a photo of his gf in his wallet. I heard his friends refer to the girl as his ‘wife’. I really thought they are joking. My god. He is only 28 right now. So I thought that the girl must only be a steady gf who has been with him for a long time.
Tonight he clarified it with me. He said that he told his gf just last night about loving another girl – me. But he already has an agreement with the girl to marry her next October here in Australia after he gets his PR here so the girl can also get a PR here. It complicated. His parents and her parents already think of them as being married and stuff. So he said the marriage simply cannot be cancelled. He asked me to trust him and give him time. Saying that it is only a paper marriage n will get the divorce soon after the marriage thing…
Can you all just imagine how I felt when I heard that? Damn.. these tears just cannot stop falling even when I type this.. I feel so damned horrible.. Is not only because I realise I cannot continue this relationship, I also feel like I am a third party in a happy relationship that is supposed to end in marriage.
I truly believe that a marriage is a forever kind of thing. Once a promise is given, it must be kept no matter what.
Remember what he said when he gao bai-ed to me? Is that he has never felt love after breaking up with his first girlfriend until he met me. He agreed to marry this girl because the girl asked him and the girl was truly very good to him. He only felt appreciation towards her and he believed that love would never come again after he broke up with the first girlfriend so he agreed to the marriage.
Life is really like a rollercoaster n a box of chocolate. Thrilling ride.. then eat the super bitter chocolate. So bitter it makes me sick. He asked me to trust him and wait for him. Both things i really find i cannot. It's just wrong and against all things i believe in to have a relationship with a guy who is getting married.
Lonely here. Really wish I’m back there in Singapore with you all giving me shoulders to cry on.
Life goes on… I still believe in true love. For the moment, just crying my heart out n learn from my stupidity.
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